Notes To My Younger Self

Remember that Twilight Zone episode where the pretty young girl is being chased by an older woman in black on horseback? At the end of the episode, you realize it is the older version of the same pretty girl trying to catching up with her younger self and advise her. Very cool episode.

While I have no regrets, I often think of the 25 year old girl I was once was and all my worries, concerns and uneasiness. While walking the other day, I thought, if I could go back and talk to/advise my younger self, what would I tell her? Here goes:

-Don’t ever try to fit in and don’t worry about being different. It’s OK to be different. One day you will love your red hair, being tall, your crazy sense of humor, your uniqueness and your pale white skin.  Like who you are just as you are. Different is good.

-Stay completely out of the sun and apply sunscreen liberally. Robyn, you will

never tan. You are physically incapable of tanning. You are a redhead and do not possess melanin. Hello? Twenty years from now, when you have few wrinkles and look younger than you are, you will appreciate this greatly. So, be patient!! It’s so worth being so pale when you are young.

-Recognize a jerk long before he outgrows you. Don’t spend too much time with him and do not shed too many tears. You will be with many jerks before you realize that. Realize your worth and value much earlier than you did.

-Don’t be so modest and flaunt it. Your body will be in its most perfect form at your age; stop being so self-conscious. Have more confidence in yourself.

-Trust your first impression of someone. It is always correct. As Maya Angelou says, "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them."

-When you are a talkative, outgoing, fun-loving person, don’t always go for the shy, reserved, albeit very good looking guy. Yes, opposites attract but when you get older and realize you still love to talk, 20 years without a good conversation is not going to make you happy. At one point, believe it or not, you will feel that talking and connecting emotionally is more important that connecting physically. A physical connection is much easier to find and far less satisfying. It will take you many years to learn this, as well.

-Take time to walk, enjoy the birds, the trees. Everything.

-Enjoy every second of your children’s babyhood. It really does go by way too fast.

-Always be on time/never be late. Time is money and always be respectful of that. No one wants to wait for you to show up. When you are older, you will be a stickler with this, when you were young, not so much! Be more considerate sooner!

-Give the guy who’s “not your type” a second chance. There are far more important things in life than a perfect, gorgeous partner. Nice, funny and kind is far more attractive than physical beauty and lasts a lot longer. Remember that guy who brought you chicken soup every day when you were sick and you treated him like crap just because you weren't attracted to him? It will take you many years to figure this out. Figure it out sooner!

-Be more patient with the elderly. Remember that someday you will be old, as well and will appreciate kindness.

-When someone leaves another for you, it is not because you are so special, it's because that's how they roll. They will most likely leave you the same way. Once a cheater, always a cheater.  Many people will tell you this and you will not listen. Listen.

-Do not give up horseback riding; you will always love it and go back to it in your 30s and 40s.

-Do not give up the cello. It will remain your favorite instrument for years to come.

-Trust your intuition. You will brush it off for many years but it is your strength.

-Do not give up your spiritual path once you get busy with life. You started on this path in your early 20s…keep on it, as you will just get back to it later in life and you will waste a lot of time.

-Words do matter. Be more kind and positive with your words. You have a vicious, hurtful tongue. Learn to curb that earlier!

-You know that vegetarian thing you toy with at least once a year? Stick with it. It's the way to go.

-Show gratitude every day. For all you have.

-Unfiltered is not a bad thing. Many people will tell you that it is and try to shut you up, but your honesty and candor is what draws people to you. Remember that you are OPEN; unfiltered is someone else's description of you and it is inaccurate.

Having written this, I’ve decided that I want to live the next 20 years based on what my 65 year old self would look back and tell me. I will be very mindful of that in all I do.

The African Polyglot

Africa is a continent with a very high linguistic diversity with an estimated 1500  (although some estimate 2000) spoken languages. According to my research, these languages can be broken down into four distinct groups:

Afro-Asiatic-The 200 languages spoken in Northern Africa

Nilo-Saharian-The 140 languages spoken in Central and Eastern Africa.

Niger-Saharian-The 1000 languages spoken in two-thirds of Africa

Khoisan-The 30 languages spoken in Western part of Southern Africa

Recently, a study was published that all languages may originate from Africa. An analysis of languages from around the world suggests that, like our genes, human speech originated in sub-Saharan Africa. The phonemes, or the perceptually distinct units of sound that differentiate words, were studied and are used in 504 human languages today. The number of phonemes was found to be highest in Africa and decreases with increasing distance from Africa. This got me to thinking about the many languages that are spoken in the continent of Africa and peaked my interest.

English (the official language of Gabon, Ghana, Kenya, French, Nigeria, Zambia and Zimbabwe, to name just a few), French (the official language of Benin, Burkina Faso, the Ivory Coast, Mali, Senegal, the Seychelles and Madagascar and Chad, among others) and Arabic (the official language of Egypt, Morocco, Mauritania, Sudan, Tunisia, etc.) are the three languages spoken predominantly in Africa. 

Portuguese is the official language in Cape Verde, Mozambique, Guinea-Bissau, Angola and São Tomé and Príncipe, Somali is the official language in Somalia and Amharic, the official language of Ethiopia. Swahili is one of the official languages of  Kenya, Uganda, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Tanzania and also one of the most widely used African languages on the Internet, according to my research.

South Africa has eleven official languages; more than any other African country. These are Afrikaans, English, isiNdebele, Pedi, Sesotho (Sotho), siSwati (Swazi), Xitsonga (Tsonga), Tswana, Tshivenda (Venda), isiXhosa and isiZulu.

There are many, many others that are too numerous to name. Good luck to those who receive a request from a client for an "African" translation!

James Taylor, Arlo Guthrie and Buddhas in the Berkshires

I love Buddhas. I mean I am obsessed with Buddhas. I have approximately 158 Buddhas in all shapes and sizes as I have mentioned before (go read my "Buddha Hoarder" post). I studied Buddhism in graduate school and really think in my last life, I was probably a professor of Asian religions and culture.

Three people in the past five years had told me about this Asian super store/museum/art gallery in the Berkshires. Finally, I woke up yesterday (after someone in my numerology class on Friday mentioned this place to me yet again) and decided to drive the 2.5 hours and JUST GO. I thought to myself that next weekend would be better. But then I thought again to myself...next weekend is not guaranteed to arrive. Today is here and today is guaranteed and I am going TODAY.

OK, universe, I finally got the message. The Berkshires (located in Western Massachusetts) are filled with beautiful little towns and the drive out there is very peaceful. As I passed through Stockbridge, I saw the Alice’s Restaurant that inspired the Arlo Guthrie song (the song wasn’t really about a restaurant and the restaurant has since changed its name. It’s a long story!) and the lyrics to my favorite James Taylor song were playing in my head:

Now the first of December was covered with snow
And so was the turnpike from Stockbridge to Boston
Lord, the Berkshires seemed dream-like on account of that frosting
With ten miles behind me and ten thousand more to go

As I rolled into Great Barrington, I saw a bunch of little stores and then there it was…my mecca. Asia-Barong. I pulled up to the place and was immediately greeted outside the entrance by giant Buddha heads, Ganesh statues, enormous Kuan Yins, Shivas and Kalis.

My own personal Nirvana.

The mala beads (Buddhist prayer beads) hanging right as you open the door had me at hello. There were $20 Buddhas and there were $2800 Buddhas. This place has three floors. Three. Fantastic. Buddha-filled. Floors. There were antique Japanese beds and other furniture (I am a Japanophile as well as a Buddha Hoarder, as mentioned in an earlier post).

The owner is a very funny, personable, attractive guy who is open to haggling (my mother is a haggler). He closes the shop during the winter (I think that's what he said) and goes to Asia for goods to bring back to his shop. I think that owning this store and traveling to and from Asia would be my dream job or at least my dream weekend job.

Three hours later, I left with a big smile on my face, two strings of Buddhist prayer beads, a Ganesh necklace, a Buddha necklace, a tiny Buddha, a Buddha keychain and a big mirrored Disco Buddha.

The happiest 3 hours I’ve spent in a long while. I sang the whole way home.

The Happiest Day of My Life (July 12, 2000)

 

“When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.” –Sophia Loren

I really never wanted to have children. I was perfectly fine going through life, having a great time, working hard and building my career. I did not want children.

Well, I turned 30 and changed my mind.  I decided that I didn't want to miss out on anything in life. On October 31, 1999 (Halloween, my favorite day ever and my second wedding anniversary), I found out that I was pregnant. I then decided I had to have a son and thought I would be a much better "boy” mom than a "girl" mom. When the ultrasound tech told me I was having a boy (I do not like surprises. AT ALL). I cried. A LOT. 

I was completely thrilled.

Sparing you all the gory details, on July 12, 2000 at 3:01 PM, my beautiful son, Griffin Ty Anthony Woytaszek was born. Griffin was a name that I had loved since the 70s (when I read that the author Dominick Dunne had a son named Griffin and at the time, it was very unique). Ty was the name his father wanted to be his first name (after Ty Cobb, as he is a baseball fanatic). Anthony was after my beloved grandpa, who was probably, aside from my son, one of the kindest people I have ever known. I was adamant that my son was going to have a strong, meaningful name.

Giving birth is a complex experience. Aside from the fact that it is painful, although not quite as painful as you imagine it will be, it is actually a very spiritual, uplifting experience. And it’s physically hard work. The way your body just takes over and you are on autopilot, no longer in control. That baby is coming OUT; whether you are going to assist with it or not! It’s a crazy feeling for a control freak like me.

You cannot believe that you created a life and now, you have to take care of that little life. Forever. Watching his father cry real tears of joy as he held his son for the first time is probably the moment of our marriage that I will cherish the most. When Griff asks about his birth, he always says, "Tell me about the time Dad cried like a school girl"...

My life has not been the same since. Since the first time I looked into those big brown eyes, I was in deep. Griffin and I have a very interesting relationship. I feel everything that he feels; we are connected in a way that I have never experienced. I know what he is thinking before he says anything. When he gets off the bus, I can tell what kind of day he has had. He is the kindest, gentlest, most polite, loving person I have ever known. I thoroughly enjoy his company. He’s just, simply put, a good kid. The greatest gift I've ever received from the universe.

Now, I have to be honest. I have been “into” astrology since I was 8. I was not thrilled that I was having a Cancer child. My first thought when I found out I was a pregnant and due in July was "what the hell am I going to do with a Cancer baby?"...Aries eat Cancers for breakfast. I have a big, strong personality. Cancers do not. I was concerned. However, the best part is, my sensitive Griffin has a Sagittarius moon, so he gives me a run for my money, temper-wise. We are in for some battles in the teenage years.

Eleven years have passed since that day. The little boy who used to love to take a bath no longer wants to bathe without a fight (It’s MY body, Mom, I don’t care if it's clean!). The little boy who loved to have his hair cut now refuses to cut his hair (It's MY hair, Mom! ) Pokemon toys have been traded for Axe body wash. Spiderman cartoons have been traded for his online blog and Twitter account. Swinging on swingsets has been replaced with one skateboard after another. Each step is a step away from you. It’s difficult. But part of the journey of motherhood. I signed up for this, I know.

Griff likes to jokingly say “Mom, don’t you know, I’m the whole package!” But really, he is. Kind, smart, musical, beautiful, loving, caring, engaged, compassionate, fair, empathetic and concerned. That’s my boy.  

Happy Birthday, little boy. Please don't grow up too fast.

Summertime, summertime, sum sum summertime drinks

I recently gave up meat, chicken, pork. I am on the slow boat to veganism. No desire to take the bullet train. Making my transition nice and slow.

Just writing those words…MEAT...CHICKEN...PORK...makes me want to hurl. Saying it is bad enough, but smelling it…UGH. Anything with a face, goodbye!  It’s been about 4 months. I also gave up caffeine and alcohol (however, I did go off the wagon and poison my body with two drinks this past July 4! ). However, just like a married man can fantasize about a hot 20 year old with a perfect body, I can still fantasize about my drinking summers past and my favorite poisons!  Remember, I am not a bartender, so I am not giving precise measurements. Figure it out for yourselves!

Cotton Candy Martini-The last time I had one of these, I couldn’t finish it. My friend, no joke, fell over backwards in her chair after two and fell asleep. You basically fill a martini glass 3/4 with vodka and put a big wad of Walmart cotton candy on top. The cotton candy melts and you have bright pink or blue pure vodka! Basically, 2-3 shots of hot pink vodka in a glass. Deadly.

Gummy Bear Martini-Mix raspberry vodka, diet 7Up (you know to save a few calories...haha!), peach schnapps in a shaker and put a handoff of gummy bears in the martini glass before you pour in the mixture. If you want to go really decadent, make those chocolate-covered gummy bears.

Pineapple Vanilla Martini-Mix vanilla vodka, blue curacao and pineapple juice together. Shake. That's about all.

Low carb margarita-FAVORITE.DRINK.EVER. Mix Patron Silver with pure lime juice and a splash of Triple Sec in a shaker with ice. Heavily salt a glass. Pour into a glass. Open your mouth and throw it back!

Long Island Ice Tea (Rob-style)-One of these and you will not be able to walk. Here’s my version. Get the largest glass you can find. Fill with equal amounts Patron Tequila, Myer's Rum, Grey Goose Vodka and that Gin with the crazy-looking boar on the cover. Then add some Coke Zero and squeezed lemon and swirl. Crazy good. One per customer, please.

Death in the Afternoon-Named after a Hemingway novel and was “invented” by Hemingway himself. His exact instructions were: "Pour one jigger absinthe into a Champagne glass. Add iced Champagne until it attains the proper opalescent milkiness. Drink three to five of these slowly."  I do not recommend drinking that many! This has an interesting taste. I tried Absinthe for the first time two years ago and was not a big fan. I had hoped to channel Marilyn Manson and see green fairies but all I got from Absinthe was the taste of Nyquil in my mouth. However, the champagne cuts the Absinthey taste.

Banana Daiquiri-I admit it, I love these. Daiquiris make me feel like I am 70 years old and playing Mahjong but damn, they taste good. Here’s how they roll…combine light rum, triple sec, half a banana, one packet of Splenda and ice in the blender. You can figure out the rest. Watch out for the monkeys.

La Paloma- Combine tequila (reposado, preferably), lime juice, and salt in a tall glass. Add ice, top off with Fresca and stir. Really? Fresca plus Tequila. What's better than that in July?

That’s all! Drink responsibly. I will have to live vicariously through my blog since I won’t be having any of these this summer! I don't think...

Independence Day

Independence is a beautiful thing. Going where you want, when you want without “feeling” you need permission. Truly feeling completely whole as you are.

Being an independent, fully capable human being is what I am teaching both of my children. Feeling connected to and loving and helping others, yes, but not being dependent on anyone but themselves. I want them to feel as they are fully complete, as they are, not being dependent on others to tell them they are beautiful or worthy or smart or anything else. To go within to get what they need instead of without. Independence is one of the greatest gifts you can leave your children.

I was always told by both of my parents over and over again that you need to create your own career so that you can always take care of yourself. INDEPENDENCE, no matter what life may bring your way. We never think that our love story will end or that we will always be just as we are right now. Sad stories change to tremendously happy ones and beautiful fairy tales can turn into nightmares on a dime. People often put themselves on auto-pilot through life, depending on someone else to always take care of them.

This is something you either have or you don’t. Perhaps it was the way you were raised.

Perhaps you are dependent because you feel that is the way it is "proper” for a woman to behave. Of course, I don’t understand that concept but many women were raised like that.

On today, July 4, celebrate your independence and what makes you independently you.