How to deal with the negative people in your life

Do you like my new couches? Oh, light-colored leather? Good luck with that with two kids!

I am going to Tibet in November! Really, do you think that is safe? Do you know what the Chinese people did to them?

I walk about five-six miles a day. Good luck not getting hit by a car!

Oh, I no longer eat meat. Do you know how much mercury is contained in seafood?

We have all seen the Debbie Downer skits on SNL. Unfortunately, we all know these people. You share something very positive and there is a negative retort. These people used to really bother me and get under my skin. Now, their comments roll off my back. I used to react and say something and now I completely ignore it. It truly no longer bothers me.

It is just your ego that is affected by these comments; nothing else. Your completely human perception that you are being attacked. The comment doesn’t change your joy.

I continue (as do most happy, positive people) to respond to someone's good news or fortune like this: I met a man on a cruise and I am getting married next week! How wonderful for you! You must be so happy. Good luck.

It’s not my job to lecture this person and interject my fears or my concerns or my opinions.

Be happy. Be in the moment. Be kind. Be joyful. BE POSITIVE. When a person shares news, that is what they are expecting from you.

As our parents always told us, if you have nothing kind to say, say nothing.

I think that really positive people intimidate the negative. Light always outshines the dark. I feel that it is hard for negative, fearful people to accept the light-heartedness and joyfulness that comes from being open-hearted and optimistic.

Anyone can make the choice to be positive. It's a choice. Surround yourself with positive people and try to show patience and lighten the hearts of negative people so they can join the ranks of the positive!

It’s that easy.

Musical Time Travel

This past weekend, my favorite Beastie Boys tune came on and I heard the intro and turned to my son and asked him, "So what’s the time?” and he answered, “it’s time to get ILL"...

I love music. I love music. I love music. So much so, I have to say it three times. As I write this, it’s late at night and I am listening to Big Audio Dynamite “The Globe” and it brings me right back to 1992. Crazy. My first gift from my new boyfriend who would 5 years later become my husband and the father of my two children.

My all-time favorite song is “Angel” by Jimi Hendrix (thanks, Mike Lyons), with a close second being a tie between “Walk This Way” by Aerosmith, “Wuthering Heights” by Kate Bush and “Sugar Magnolia” by the Grateful Dead. Also, I absolutely love that song “Bedrock” by Little Wayne, etc. Instantly makes me happy (IIII I can make yourrrrr bedrrrrock...)

Angel came down from heaven yesterday,
She stayed with me just long enough to rescue me
And she told me a story yesterday,
About the sweet love between the moon & the deep blue sea.
And then she spread her wings high over me,
She said she was going home and coming back tomorrow

I have noticed lately that music takes you back to different places in your life. Whenever I hear “Isn’t She Lovely” by Stevie Wonder, I think back to the day my daughter was born. “Simple Man” by Lynyrd Skynyrd reminds me of my son and the day he was born.What a gorgeous song. Still makes me cry whenever I hear it.

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say
And if you do this it'll help you some sunny day

I recently told my boy that when I was pregnant with him, I used to put my hand on my stomach whenever a song I loved came on the radio, so he would like it, too. He got a kick out of that (although I think he was secretly grossed out) and said that was probably why he likes music so much.

I cannot listen to “Red, Red Wine” by UB40 without remembering living in Allston (which is to Boston what Queens is to NYC) atop the Pizzerio Uno’s and drunkenly singing that song over and over again with Suzi, Sybil, Donna and Mike.

Rickie Lee Jones reminds me of my Nadia and all those late nights in our small dorm room and later, our apartments. Nadia and I were both in love with two New Orleans guys who were best friends and thus began my love for the Neville Brothers and Dr. John. I still love to blast “Brother John” and “Hey Pocky Way”…..

And at a Rickie Lee Jones concert 22 years ago, my Donna and I discovered Lyle Lovett (who was the opening act). I have seen him in concert about 15 times since then.

Nine Inch Nails. Tom used NIN to pursue me back in the day. We worked together and he kept bringing in NIN CDs for me. NIN is real rebel music. Still love Trent and all his nasty lyrics! Love to play him loud, if I am feeling angry! You could say that NIN provided the background music for our relationship. Passionate, angst-filled and rebellious. “Black" by Pearl Jam was our song. Later, it became "Bittersweet Symphony" by the Verve.

Jackson Browne. Introduced to me in the early 80s by my Wendy. Crazily in love with him still. His later album, “I’m Alive” got me through one of the most difficult periods of my life (the past few years). Tremendously heartbreaking lyrics in every song.Most  accurate depiction of a truly broken heart I’ve ever heard.

Hey look at the way I believed in you
And loved you all these years
Now you can fill a swimming pool with all my salty tears
you could have told me what was in your heart
but baby you lied
I thought that it would kill me
But I'm alive

Just a few of the albums that most inspired me over the past 40 something years (the ones I played over and over):

-Joni Mitchell “Blue”

-Ramones “Rocket to Russia”

-Van Halen II

-Van Halen “Women and Children First”

-Kate Bush “Hounds of Love”

-Jackson Browne “I’m Alive”

-NIN “Pretty Hate Machine”

-Fairground Attraction “Fairground Attraction”

-Aerosmith “Toys in the Attic”

-Lyle Lovett and his large band “Pontiac”

-Joan Jett and the Blackhearts “Bad Reputation”
-Jethro Tull "Songs from the Wood"
-Beastie Boys "Licensed to Ill"

My guilty pleasure? I heart Marilyn Manson. And I like it LOUD. No one else will admit that. No joke. Love him. He’s creepy and amusing. His version of “Personal Jesus” is INSANELY GOOD.

I also love Guns n Roses (thanks again, Mike Lyons). Especially “I Used to Love Her”.

And Steven Tyler? Those lips. Those eyes. Nothing more to say.

HOTTEST. OLD. GUY. EVER.

 

I figured out after writing this why I love music. It keeps me feeling young and alive. And allows me to revisit the past.

The spiritual evolution of the lifelong career woman

Recently, I was approached with an opportunity to advance my career in a way I had "thought" I had always wanted. Basically, all my years in localization (Japanese to English editor, Localization Project Manager, Business Unit Manager, Localization Manager) were leading to an opportunity like this.

Years ago, pre-kids, it would have been a no-brainer. Lots more money, complete power and no boss (the three things I once loved and valued above all else). I would run the show and make all the decisions. The buck would stop with me. Having always been fiercely independent and very strong-willed, this would be absolute heaven and really the only way I used to feel completely comfortable, if I am being quite honest. Teaching others the “right way” to handle the globalization of products as I see fit. It is absolutely intoxicating for someone to look right at you and say..."We love you...you are perfect for us”...but...

I HAVE CHANGED. I don’t want to give up walking 5 miles a day so I can sit in traffic 3 hours a day. I no longer want to battle the ego trip that comes with being the big boss where all your priorities change and you invite all varieties of stress into your life and you really believe you have the right to be UNKIND to people (and believe me, with power, this ego trip soon follows, unfortunately) because you are “so important”.  I don’t want to ever miss my children’s concerts or school events. I don’t want to be irritable working on my son’s science project because I was stuck in traffic or have work to do at night. Newborn to 11 years old has gone so fast already. I don't want to miss a thing.

Having been there, I also know that making a huge salary can also take you farther away from your true self. You distract yourself with electronic gadgets, designer this and designer that. More materialistic = less spiritual in my experience.

I love my current job and it makes me happy every day when I sign on in the morning. Fifty percent of that is because I work from home and am able to be there for my children and I am able to foster my many interests. But, I also love my clients and always learn something new. And I just plain love languages. Always have; always will.

My career was once everything to me. It is now just part of me. The other parts of me are my children, my family, my friends, reading, horseback riding, hiking, healing techniques, spiritual classes, nature, working out, day trips, music, Reiki, Buddhism and the list goes on. There needs to be room for all parts of me to be present and to grow. I also would like to complete my Master’s in Counseling, after many years of back and forth on this choice. It’s the right time now.

I won’t lie and say that the other part of me isn't still present and sometimes stronger than I would like and I won't say I will always back away from such an opportunity. But for now...it worked out exactly how it should. And there is peace.

Nordic? Scandinavian? Nordic! Scandinavian!

Whenever I see a good looking blue-eyed blond man, he is usually described by me as “vaguely Nordic looking”. This led me to thinking and as usual that thinking, of course, led me to my latest blog post. What really is the difference? And is there a difference? Yes! Sort of.

Although here in the US we use the terms "Scandinavian" and "Nordic" interchangeably, in northern Europe they do not.

According to my research, “Scandinavia” is a region in northern Europe that includes Denmark and two of the Scandinavian Peninsula's countries, Norway and Sweden. In common English usage, Finland, Iceland, the Faroe Islands and Greenland are often grouped with Scandinavia but they are not technically Scandinavian countries. The term “Nordic countries” refers to Denmark, Norway and Sweden as well as Finland and Iceland, and the associated of Faroe Islands, Greenland and Åland Islands.

The Swedish, Norwegian and Danish share a common word called "Skandinavien". This word refers to the ancient territories of the Norsemen: Norway, Sweden and Denmark. This definition is considered to be the most commonly accepted definition of "Scandinavia". Typically, most of us do think of those three countries when referencing the term "Scandinavia".

The Nordic Countries are composed of an official group called the Nordic Council. The Nordic Council includes the three Scandinavian countries (Sweden, Norway and Denmark), Iceland, Finland, and three autonomous regions (Faroe Islands, Greenland and Åland Islands).

Now, here’s where it gets complicated. Linguistically, Icelandic belongs to the same language family as Swedish, Danish and Norwegian. Just to add to the confusion, Swedish is also spoken in parts of Finland and Finnish is spoken in parts of Sweden and Denmark.

So, in summary, you can call a Swede Scandinavian OR Nordic but technically, you cannot call a Finn Scandinavian (although believe me, many Americans do). Got it???

“Do you have anything to mix with my vodka?” (Ode to my Donna)

“Do you have anything to mix with my vodka?” I asked the tall blonde on my second day at Boston University. "I have orange juice!” she said. That crazy conversation has led to a 27 year friendship (and lots of vomiting in bushes later that evening).

I just had lunch with that tall blonde-one of my dearest, oldest friends, Donna. She lives in CA now but was in town for business. We still laugh like we did when we were 18. We still finish each other's sentences. We still remember every single crazy thing we did together (the back stage passes at the Paradise, throwing up at Warren Towers, hanging out at T's Pub, discovering Lyle Lovett together as the opening act at a Rickie Lee Jones concert, the time when the Allston Fire Department showed up at our apartment for having a BBQ on the roof of our building, the trip to visit my “lovah” in NY during a snowstorm when my car broke down and lots of other things I will not, CANNOT mention here!). She knows and keeps my craziest secrets. And I keep hers.

Donna has always been my “sunshiney-est” friend. She is ALWAYS smiling, she is ALWAYS happy, she is ALWAYS positive. She is also smart as hell and tough as nails. She truly sees life as a journey. When we were younger, I used to think it had to be an act. No one can be that happy all the time! It’s not an act. Her energy is beautiful and pure.  I was more like a dark, broody hurricane in my college days and Donna was always the light in my life. My voice of reason, my devil’s advocate, the mental Xanax for my anxiety!

When we lived together in Allston above Uno’s, I got the smallest room because I signed on last to move in. It was very cold in that bright pink room and a few nights a week, I’d tell Donna I was cold and she'd always say, “Sleep in here, Rob”…Good times. Good times. We laughed all night, talking about our latest shenanigans.

Always complimentary, always pushing me to break outside the box and always, always, appreciating and loving my individuality and uniqueness. "Those shoes are sooo ROB”…

When I opened up to her a few years ago about certain life events that showed up unexpectedly, she went right on the Amazon website and sent me books that she thought would help and that helped her in a similar situation. Just a good, kind, person inside and out.

Last time she was here, she told me that I was so peaceful, different and easy to be around. And that she felt that all my recent turmoil and life experiences HAD to happen to free me. I think she’s right. I do feel F-R-E-E.

Love you and miss you, girl. Thank you for 27 wonderful, laughter-filled, tear-filled, crazy years. May the good times and laughter continue (which, of course, they will!) xxx

I complete me (ode to lime green Doc Martens)

There are so many people who fear being “alone”…I don’t just mean alone as in single, I mean ALONE. As in, no one else in the room with them. They can't just sit in a waiting room or sit in traffic without being on the phone. It's as if every moment of their life needs to be filled with something or somebody. Perhaps they are afraid of what they will find out about themselves in the silence? So, they make sure there is never silence; there is constant noise and fillers to distance them from learning about themselves.

This comes, in my opinion, from a deep rooted feeling that you are not complete when you are by yourself. No one can complete you. Jerry Maguire was just a movie. You are complete alone. You have to be. There is no other way to be.

Throughout my 20 year relationship, I have always spent time alone. I never disappeared into the other person, never gave up what was important to me, kept wearing my lime green Doc Martens even though I was told over and over how ugly they were. But I thought they were BEAUTIFUL. So they were beautiful. Even painted my nails green to match them and this was 19 years ago when no one really wore green nail polish. Not like today, anyway! Saddled up and went horseback riding every week, without fail. No matter what. I don't know how to be any other way. Thank God.

When you go through a traumatic life experience, you really need to be alone with yourself to figure out what you really want for the next stage of your life. The mistake I see many people make is that they quickly fill up the vacancy left in their life with a new "body". Very little time is spent actually thinking about what and who you really want as if a physical replacement is all that is necessary in life. Or they won’t leave a current bad situation until they know that they have a backup “body” waiting for them, if they do. Big mistake. Spend some time alone.

The fear of being alone often drives many bad decisions, not putting your children first, giving up of dreams, putting your own needs on the backburner, being talked into things you would never do (nor want to do/should do) on your own and most deadly of all, settling for less than you should have or less than you want. Or the wrong person.

I enjoy my own company more than anyone else’s company. There, I SAID IT. I am often seen as a very outgoing, social, loud, fun person but I love being alone and NEED to be alone. More than anything. If I spend too much time with people, I actually feel claustrophobic.

Lately, I have been wanting to tour Tibet, Indonesia, Vietnam and Thailand. ALONE. I have already starting planning for it. People are shocked! But these same people would never go to a movie alone. I have watched my daughter grow into her own, being very independent and enjoying her alone time. Makes me very proud!

Being alone does not make you less attractive, less intelligent, less worthy, worse. Just as not being alone does not make you more attractive, more intelligent, more worthy, better.

You are complete. JUST AS YOU ARE.

What do you really need to learn a foreign language?

Every evening while doing his Spanish homework, my son complains that he is "NOT like me" and "he does NOT like Spanish” and that he “ONLY wants to speak English”…while I admit…I do become slightly irritated that he is not a “language lovah", I realized long ago that your children, most of the time, do not share your interests and they are their own people. Much to my dismay, of course. When I found out my daughter is severely allergic to horses and could not/should not ride, I had a two week mourning period that she would never ride like I do and that we would never ride together as I had planned.

So, I started thinking about it and asked myself what really makes a person “language learning friendly” and what do you really need to be able to learn a foreign language.

While complete immersion in the target language, being the child of parents whose native language is the one you are trying to learn or living in the destination country are all fantastic options and help a lot, these three options are not easily attainable by most would be language students.

Here are my thoughts:

A very good memory-The ability to memorize entire pages of vocabulary and then be able to visualize them during a test or while in conversation is a huge help. I always say that is the number one attribute you need to learn a language. It has never failed me in my pursuit of languages.

Passion for the language you are learning-Spanish was a very popular language to take in my high school; but Spanish never called to me. French did. Had I taken Spanish, I may not have done as well as I did with French because I didn’t have the passion to learn Spanish as I did with French. Choice of language is VERY important and only you can make that choice. After French, Japanese called to me. And now it’s Italian (such a beautiful language) and the ancient, written language Sanskrit (yes, I am readying Sanskrit 101).

Repetition-Revisting the day’s lesson at night is a must. Repetition = Remembering as far as language learning is concerned. The more you look at it, read it aloud, pronounce it over and over again, the faster you learn. Partnering with a friend who is a native speaker or studying the same language is a huge plus.

You don't need to be BRILLIANT to learn a foreign language; you need to be passionate, have a good memory, be willing to put time into studying and reviewing each day. Language learning can be FUN!