I complete me (ode to lime green Doc Martens)

There are so many people who fear being “alone”…I don’t just mean alone as in single, I mean ALONE. As in, no one else in the room with them. They can't just sit in a waiting room or sit in traffic without being on the phone. It's as if every moment of their life needs to be filled with something or somebody. Perhaps they are afraid of what they will find out about themselves in the silence? So, they make sure there is never silence; there is constant noise and fillers to distance them from learning about themselves.

This comes, in my opinion, from a deep rooted feeling that you are not complete when you are by yourself. No one can complete you. Jerry Maguire was just a movie. You are complete alone. You have to be. There is no other way to be.

Throughout my 20 year relationship, I have always spent time alone. I never disappeared into the other person, never gave up what was important to me, kept wearing my lime green Doc Martens even though I was told over and over how ugly they were. But I thought they were BEAUTIFUL. So they were beautiful. Even painted my nails green to match them and this was 19 years ago when no one really wore green nail polish. Not like today, anyway! Saddled up and went horseback riding every week, without fail. No matter what. I don't know how to be any other way. Thank God.

When you go through a traumatic life experience, you really need to be alone with yourself to figure out what you really want for the next stage of your life. The mistake I see many people make is that they quickly fill up the vacancy left in their life with a new "body". Very little time is spent actually thinking about what and who you really want as if a physical replacement is all that is necessary in life. Or they won’t leave a current bad situation until they know that they have a backup “body” waiting for them, if they do. Big mistake. Spend some time alone.

The fear of being alone often drives many bad decisions, not putting your children first, giving up of dreams, putting your own needs on the backburner, being talked into things you would never do (nor want to do/should do) on your own and most deadly of all, settling for less than you should have or less than you want. Or the wrong person.

I enjoy my own company more than anyone else’s company. There, I SAID IT. I am often seen as a very outgoing, social, loud, fun person but I love being alone and NEED to be alone. More than anything. If I spend too much time with people, I actually feel claustrophobic.

Lately, I have been wanting to tour Tibet, Indonesia, Vietnam and Thailand. ALONE. I have already starting planning for it. People are shocked! But these same people would never go to a movie alone. I have watched my daughter grow into her own, being very independent and enjoying her alone time. Makes me very proud!

Being alone does not make you less attractive, less intelligent, less worthy, worse. Just as not being alone does not make you more attractive, more intelligent, more worthy, better.

You are complete. JUST AS YOU ARE.